Friday, 4 September 2015

A Letter to Christian Men

I find this Letter by the wife of Tim Challis very encouraging and timely. My belief is that it is possible to fight sexual sins and win. It is possible to live in victory. Read and be blessed.

My Wife's Plea to Christian Men
Over the weekend I could see that Aileen had something on her mind. We spoke and she told me about reading the news, about seeing more Christian men fall into scandal, and, in the face of it all, her confusion, her despair, the crumbling of her hope. I asked if she would write about it. Here is what she said. —Tim Challies
How long ago was it now? Was it ten years? Twelve? How long has it been since I faced it for the first time? It was a whispered rumor here, a shaded suggestion there. Then it was the devastated wife weeping in my basement as I tried desperately to draw on some wisdom, some biblical truth, that would help her. Little did I know, all those years ago, that this was simply the tip of the iceberg. But I had hope.
Six years ago, Tim wrote Sexual Detox, and I followed up with False Messages. The number of letters we received shocked us—heart-breaking, soul-crushing emails from guilty men and women married to unfaithful husbands. I wrestled and fought to understand it all from a biblical perspective. Why do so many men, and even so many Christian men, have such weakness when it comes to sexual sin? But even then I still had hope, hope in the truth of the gospel, hope in the power of the Holy Spirit.
In the years since, I have listened to more stories of more Christian men falling, wept with more women, and prayed a whole lot. I have tried to explain to women how their husbands think about sex: Your husband doesn’t just want it, he wantsyou. I’ve tried to tell them that sex is a good gift that God gives as a means of grace in marriage, a means of bonding a husband and wife together. I have counseled single young women to pursue purity. I have been teaching all the right stuff. And I have believed it all. I had hope.
Then came Ashley Madison and the suggestion that hundreds of pastors would have to resign after being caught with accounts on this website that glorifies adultery. And it’s not just pastors—hundreds of other Christian men, both single and married, have been caught up in the scandal. Now there are more broken homes, more devastated churches, more weeping wives, more mocking of God. And I have to tell you, this week, today, I am struggling to find hope.
I have fought to understand the struggle men face. I have fought to have compassion. I have encouraged wives to extend forgiveness, to willingly and joyfully give themselves to their husbands. But you know what? I just don’t know how I can keep doing it. Not when so many husbands are deceptively defiling the marriage bed. Not when so many young, single men are recklessly defiling the future marriage bed. Not when so many men seem just plain unwilling to change.
Men, you are supposed to be modeling holiness before the world (Titus 2:6-8). You are supposed to be cherishing your wives as Christ cherishes his church (Ephesians 5:25). You are supposed to be abstaining from all sexual immorality (1 Thessalonians 4:3). You are supposed to be fleeing youthful passions (2 Timothy 2:22). Why are so many of you failing at these basic tasks? Is it really that difficult? You would almost think that this one sin is beyond the power of the Holy Spirit.
You who keep choosing to sin, you who keep visiting those websites, you who have secret lives you keep hidden from your friends and your wives: Why won’t you stop? You know that God loves to give victory over every sin. You know that God calls you to pursue sanctification. You know that the Holy Spirit equips you to succeed. God has given you everything you need in the gospel. So why do you keep failing? The only conclusion I can come to is that you are so consumed with self-gratification that you are not willing to fight, and I mean really willing to fight, this sin. If it’s not that you can’t, it must be that you won’t.
I plead with you. I plead with you on behalf of your wives, on behalf of your future wives, on behalf of Christian women everywhere: Stop. Just stop.
Stop believing that this is a special sin that women just can’t understand—we do understand sin. This isn’t a special sin, it is just sin: God-belittling, Christ-mocking, Spirit-despising sin. Stop pretending like there are no future consequences to your actions. Stop putting your selfish desires first. Stop engaging in activities that bring shame on the gospel. Stop doing things that leave us picking up the pieces of your devastated wife. Stop indulging in your sin, and start thinking and acting like a God-honoring, Christ-praising, Spirit-glorifying man. For the love of God and his church, stop.


Anonymous said...

I was sure God could no longer love me, my sins so great.

So let me tell you of two of my greatest break throughs on the way to where I am now.

Years ago I was invited to a church, the guest speaker was from Poland, his English was OK, but it was with a heavy accent.

After the service he invited people up for prayer, so I went forward.

He prayed for me and as he did, he whispered my secret sins into my ear. Now I knew he was hearing from God. Then he speaks in first person to me and, he says "I see your sin, but I also see your heart, I have not forsaken you, nor have I rejected you".

I started to weep, and praised God for his mercy. But this troubled me too. How could Jesus say these things when it was my sin that sent him to the cross?

Now on to the next example, this is many years later…

I always had a very high sex drive. This troubled me despite what God said above it was a problem for me.

So one day I'm driving, and lusting. I cry out to God, where are you, why aren't you helping me with this!

All of a sudden I hear this statement "why don't you tell me the truth". I say "what truth"…Then my understanding is opened and I SEE.

I say OK Lord… "I don't want you to interfere, I love my sin and while I'm troubled about it, I don't want you to interfere".

Do you know what happened? I somehow forgot all those thoughts about sin and lust, they came back I would confess this new found truth and somehow my mind would be distracted again.

This went on for a few days or weeks, and then I found myself free.

This reminds me of a guy named Tommy Williams from the 70's…A brother walks up to Tommy complaining that he can't stop smoking.

Tommy says "brother when Jesus is ready for you to stop, then you will. A few days later that brother was so excited, because he found himself free a few days later.

NOW what does all of this show me…

It shows me we do NOT know truth UNTIL it is revealed to us, and most importantly "Truth is a person", and that person makes us free.

Evergreenword said...

Thanks so much for your comment. Thank God that you now have victory. Only Him can really deliver when we give Him the chance. God bless you as you remain the man He wants you to be.